Homo Oleaginosus
I could use a wash.
Classy Places To Take Your Date So As To Impress Her And Maybe Later Fuck Her
From the Readership:
Dear Ron and LIRRenthusiast,
Three words: Grand Lux Cafe. It’s Egyptian or somethin gay for Really Fucking Classy Restaurant. Anyways last week I scored some digits from this smokin hot cashier who works at the IGA. Actually she’s always hangin around the high school so maybe she’s a teacher or somethin. Doesn’t matter. So I definitely wanted to bang this chick but didn’t know what to do, so I called my boy Joey and I was like, Joey I really wanna bang this chick what should I do? So Joey took care of me and hooked me up with a reserve at Grand Lux in Roosevelt Field which is like where the Roman Emperors used to shop only it’s still open today and also there’s a bangin’ food court and a Dick’s Sporting Goods that’s got a rock climbing wall. So me and this bitch get there and we’re kinda worried about being over dressed cause we’re both in our Juicy Suits (velour, of course), but it turns out that we weren’t overdressed at all because it’s such a luxurious place. They got like all this marble everywhere cause it’s based on Europe where everything is made of marble and the lamps are all fucking bent and twisted and shit which is how you get your lamps when you’re a fuckin baller like Gordon Gecko. Yeah so we knew it was good when we saw that and then we got the menus and each one was three inches thick and all the pages were laminated so you couldnt spill shit on them just like my ma’s furniture! Plus it’s american style so you can get like chinese food and nachos and even hot dogs which is great for when you’re about to go out dancing or boning all night and they give you fuckin huge portions cause it’s american. The wait can be two hours but is worth the wait. I guess it was a little expensive but i paid cash and got the waiter to cut a little off the top cause i took care of him. Also I totally banged that chick.
Fuckin a
—Tommy D.
Long Island pride
